


Reflection

by whimsycreator



Series: Blue Song Universe [4]
Category: UTAU, Vocaloid
Genre: America AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, College AU, Crying, Emotional, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Human AU, RIP, Regret, Remorse, Ritsu cries, apology, in my fics a lot, slight angst, they are already humans to me though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:29:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26902921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsycreator/pseuds/whimsycreator
Summary: Same universe as Blue Song. A bit of a side story from the universe of that story.Gumi still has awful memories of the bully who belittled and insulted her in third grade. This resulted in Gumi being shy, with low self-esteem, and now trembles when people show aggression to her.That bully, Ritsu Namine, had turned over a new leaf, however. He became a much nicer person and now feels true remorse and a sincere wish to apologize to everyone he had ever hurt.Thirteen years later, Ritsu wants to apologize to Gumi, now that he’s going to the same community college as her. But Gumi doesn’t seem to recognize him due to his drastically changed appearance, and Ritsu is hesitant to reveal himself and possibly bring up painful memories to Gumi.Rated T due to the source material’s rating. (Blue Song)
Relationships: Gumi & Namine Ritsu
Series: Blue Song Universe [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974271
Comments: 3
Kudos: 2





	Reflection

Gumi’s delicate heart still held corrosive, painful memories of the aggressive, ill-tempered, short-haired bully she knew back in the third grade who insulted her art and picked on her on a daily basis. Gumi would come home crying, her feelings deeply hurt. Many of her beautiful artworks would be ripped up and thrown in the trash, just because the bully had judged and mocked them.

Sometimes the bully would even raise their voice and threaten to hurt Gumi, which would make her feel deep unease. Her heartbeat would quicken, and she would want to run away.

“What are you? Some coward?” They’d say.

“Please... stop! Just stop...” Gumi would cry.

To this day, Gumi’s heart hadn’t quite healed from the cuts and wounds. She began to take shelter in a hull where nobody could see or hurt her, afraid to come out and risk being vulnerable. Gumi, who once loved to paint and sing, lost her confidence, and soon motivation to do her favorite hobbies, in fear of people judging her work or her voice. Now, when people showed aggression to her, she would tremble and cry, as if she were right back in the third grade again.

Gumi couldn’t help it.

The bully had punched a hole in her heart, and corroded a gap in her soul. Because of one person’s impact, she had been scarred for life.

And if you want the truth, well... The bully in question?

Well... that would have been me.

———

Ritsu’s Point of View

To everyone I’ve ever hurt, I’m deeply sorry. And I’m not just saying this... I now recognize the impact of my actions and understand all the pain bullying can bring.

Since then, I had turned over a new leaf. I deeply regret everything I had did to Gumi. Ever since I turned over that new leaf, my only real wish in life was to be able to just apologize to her. But Gumi moved away in fifth grade, so I never could.

I would sit there for a long while sometimes, fantasizing about meeting her again, and just apologizing to her. I would run through so many possible ways in my head to tell her that I was sorry. The desire I had to apologize to her was so intense, I’ve even had a few dreams about it before.

Whenever I woke up from them, I would always feel so regretful and guilty again.

Within the thirteen years since I first met Gumi, many things had changed.

I had grown out my hair, and started dressing femininely. I started going by ‘he’ and ‘him’ pronouns as well. This is the complete opposite of me as a child, where I had short hair, dressed in boys’ clothes, yet went by ‘she’ and ‘her.’

I eventually also met a best friend online. Her name was Ruko Yokune. I eventually learned we actually lived in the same town, yet we didn’t go to the same high school. She was non-binary like me. She was outgoing, social, and always willing to lend a helping hand. She was also more than a foot taller than me—an incredible six feet and two inches tall. Ruko was the kind of person you felt you could tell everything to. Yet there was one thing I just couldn’t tell her, and that was the fact that I used to be a bully.

Ruko was just so nice. She radiated compassion. But she also didn’t tolerate anyone who dared put people down. I don’t think she would tolerate me either, if she knew. Even if I did turn over a new leaf. I used to be a monster. I hurt people.

I didn’t deserve forgiveness.

———

Upon going to my first day of Sonare Community College with my friend Ruko by my side, I ended up seeing a familiar face at lunch break.

It was no mistaking it.

It was Gumi. In college now. Just like me. We had both grown up on our separate ways and had somehow crossed paths again, right here and right now.

Normally in my fantasies if this happened, I would’ve ran up to her and started reciting one of the hundreds of apologies I’ve rehearsed inside my head.

But somehow, I just... couldn’t do it this time.

I was too scared.

Scared of rejection.

Scared of making Gumi cry.

Besides, Ruko was here too.

I didn’t want Ruko to have to know how badly I had bullied this girl.

I decided to discreetly hide from Gumi, but eventually she was just going to notice me anyway.

But eventually I realized, she didn’t.

Oh yeah.

I do look completely different now. I have long hair and a feminine style of dress. She didn’t seem to recognize me.

As long as Gumi just didn’t learn my name... I could go under the radar.

But my biggest dream had always been to apologize to her.

So why was I being so hesitant to do so now?

———

One day at college, Ruko was sick with a cold and had to stay in her dorm room while I went to classes. I wistfully glanced to Gumi at lunch break, thinking maybe I could apologize now that Ruko wasn’t here.

I was greeted by an unpleasant scene.

A tall man, someone who looked like a senior student, was standing over Gumi, shouting at her. I realized I could hear what he was shouting all the way from my table across the room.

“Are you some sort of scatterbrained imbecile!?” He yelled. “Because of your awful contribution to our project, my grade was brought down to an A minus! Can’t you do anything right!? Foolish idiot!”

Gumi’s reaction was pretty hard to watch. She was trembling, breathing quickly, and on the verge of sobbing.

“I’m sorry...” She muttered over and over.

My heart fell. I knew immediately that her lack of self-esteem... was my fault.

I couldn’t believe this guy though. He thought he could talk to people like that. I decided to cut in and tell this person off and to help Gumi out.

Just as this person was about to grab Gumi by the shoulders, I slapped his hand. Really hard.

“What do you think you’re doing!?” I yelled at him.

“Ugh, little brat. Butt out.” The guy said.

“I heard everything you said to her.” I shouted. “That’s not how you treat a person who’s just trying their best. Back off and leave her alone!”

The guy rolled his eyes.

“Just... whatever. I’m not going to get into it. Not today. Geez.” He began to walk off.

Gumi had tears rolling down her cheeks, which she quickly wiped off with her sleeve.

“Um... Thank you.” She said softly. “I’m sorry you had to tell him off like that... and that I couldn’t do anything. I just can’t stand being yelled at. I always break down. So thank you, for being so nice...”

I felt my stomach churn at Gumi thanking me and mistaking me for a nice person.

I had to tell the truth.

I couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“Gumi... I’m sorry.” I said in a downcast tone.

“What...?” Gumi reacted. “You’re apologizing... Why?”

I took in a discreet deep breath and exhaled.

“I’m sorry, but...” I confessed. “I’m actually not nice after all. Everything is my fault. You’d be a lot happier now if it weren’t for what I did in the past.”

For a second, my voice sounded totally different from normal. It was filled with an emotion it usually didn’t have.

“Maybe you’ll remember my name...” I continued. “Ritsu Namine... from Lighthouse Elementary School.”

I saw Gumi’s eyes shrink a bit. She raised her hand over her mouth...

Oh no...

“...Ritsu?” She muttered.

I blew it.

It was all over.

“I do remember you.” She responded. “I’m sorry. All this time, I didn’t recognize you...”

“Yeah...” I stammered. “You... probably hate me now.”

My voice had been sounding so different from my usual tone all day.

“But I don’t blame you if you hate me... I deserve it.”

There was a split-second of silence that felt more like an hour to me.

“No. I don’t hate you.” Gumi said.

Surprisingly, she smiled.

...What?

“Ritsu, I can tell you’ve matured and grown a lot.” Gumi said. “I can tell you’ve changed. Your apology means a lot to me.”

Suddenly, the world turned still, and all that was moving was the smile on Gumi’s face growing bigger.

“Thank you.” She said.

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. Gumi accepted my apology?

“But...” I said quietly. “I know I must’ve hurt you so much with my actions. I basically messed you up for life, didn’t I?”

“I forgive you.” Gumi said, replicating my soft tone. “The fact that you’ve apologized means so much. I feel like I can finally let the painful memories go, now that I know how much remorse you feel. So... I forgive you.”

Forgiveness... A word I have waited thirteen years to hear. And I had done it. I had apologized to Gumi, finally, after thirteen years of wishing and dreaming. She finally was going to let go of the painful memories of me that messed her up so badly. She no longer had to feel all the weight I put on her heart...

Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face...

“Gumi, thank you.” I said, smiling. All I’ve ever really wanted in life was for you to forgive me... And for you to no longer have to feel those painful memories... But is there any way I can make up for the years of pain I caused you?”

I finally gave into the tears and started to cry a bit.

“You don’t have to.”

Gumi got out of her seat and gave me a soft, tender hug. It was really comforting to be hugged...

“But well...” Gumi continued. “We could always get to know each other better. You’re pretty cool now, Ritsu. I’d like for us to maybe be... friends? If that’s okay.”

“I’d... like that a lot.” I responded a bit sheepishly. It wasn’t really like me to be sheepish.

The truth is... I wanted to be Gumi’s friend, even in elementary school. I had secretly admired her artistic talent ever since then, but I picked on her out of being unable to control my jealousy.

Now that I can handle my emotions a lot better, I was looking forward to talking to her about art, and even seeing how much she improved since those days. She really was an incredible artist as a child. I could only imagine how phenomenal her works must’ve been now.

I gave Gumi a genuine smile back and thanked her.

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it isn’t deemed too controversial to give forgiveness (or sympathy) to a former bully, or to depict that people can “unrealistically” change like that. But I honestly believe that it is possible for people to truly change and to feel true remorse out of the goodness of their heart. Maybe I am too idealistic. Also, I believe the world is not all black and white all the time when it comes to things like this. I just hope this work won’t be taken as too problematic. I honestly see how it possibly can, especially in this day and age.
> 
> But even if I can see both sides of the situation, I still hold the personal belief that, when given room to grow, there is such a thing as people who truly can redeem themselves.
> 
> I still apologize if this story gives a negative feeling to some people.
> 
> Also I suck with titles.


End file.
